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Most people approach conflict with a pretty clear idea
of what they think needs to happen. They know what they
think they should do and, more significant, they know
what they think others should do. When there is not
agreement on this, the fight begins! Each person has a
position, a way he or she want things to be done, and
each one is ready to fight for his or her position.
The key here is to understand that when people decide
how to solve a problem without fully understanding it,
the solutions are unlikely to work well for at least one
of the parties.
To fully understand a problem involving conflict, the
parties involved need to understand their own and each
other’s interests. What we mean here, by the term
“interest”, are a person’s concerns and the things that
are important and significant to him or her…the person’s
wants, needs, and limitations.
An old story illustrates why it is important to get off
one’s position and focus on interests in order to
effectively solve a problem. Two children were fighting
over an orange. They were each baking something and each
of them felt they should have the orange. The mother got
tired of the fighting and, with the classic wisdom of a
weary mother, cut the orange and gave each child half.
Done. Problem solved.
But the problem wasn’t solved for either child. One
needed the juice of a whole orange for her project. The
other needed the peel of a whole orange for his project.
If either child, or the mother, would have identified
the interests, the solution would have been obvious and
totally effective.
Focusing on interests will take people involved in
conflict on an entirely different path than they take
when they focus on defending their position. The trick
in getting that focus is to be curious, and communicate
effectively. |
